I must say that after traveling the WORLD, I still see and experience something new and wonderful when it comes to "black men."  Ok yes! I am one of those women who when the Sh*t hits the fan I pass the blame and vent about what I am NOT getting. However, traveling across the world, having the opportunity to see and meet other people and  experience other cultures; always sends me back to "black men." I am sorry, but there is NOTHING in this world like a black man.

Yes, society and even the brothers themselves, have mentally and physically beaten themselves down at many turns, but I have noticed, that NO MATTER where I am on this planet I always gravitate towards them. Whether or not they even realize it, I always feel safe, comfortable and happy when I am around them. By no means am I excluding men of other cultures, but right now, I want to express myself about the black man.

God knows I will not be speaking in vain when I say that we as black women have had our countless of problems, issues and heartaches with them, but I have encountered so many amazing, cool and positive brothers, that I cannot exclude them from my thoughts, blogs and conversation.

Despite what issues I am going through as a black single female, there have been quite a few black men that have kept me on my path of being a better mom, staying focused on my goals and just feeling good about being a black woman.  Thank you Rico (my black man).
When I think about how hard it is out there just to be BLACK, but to be a black man and still be able to give something positive to others, is a blessing that I recognize with reverence. Thanks again babe (Rico). 

So, to all of the brothers out there, I GOT you! I will always try to UNDERSTAND you and stand by your side. ALWAYS!  If we could all learn how to give this to one another; imagine how powerful we could be. Don't you think we deserve it?

Muah!
'Til next time.
Tichina

 This a picture of me in Paris, judging a fashion show called,

 "Who's Next"

Thus far, my year has begun with action, excitement and travel. Allof which I love.  I am just returning from my first trip to Paris.  I couldn't believe that I had been all over the world damned near and had never been to Paris!  Needless to say, I had an AMAZING time there. It was the one trip I took, that I did not feel bad about not taking my daughter (Alijah) with me! But you can bet your bottom dollar, that when I do return back to the states, she will be by my side.  She really wanted to come with me to Paris she kept saying: "Mommy, I wanna go to Paris with you!".  After reminding her 50 times that she could not join me this time because she would have to go to school, she eventually relented.

I can't wait to return to Paris with my daughter in tow, when the weather gets warmer "Spring Time in Paris."   There is so much for her to see and learn there!  It's funny, because I have been saying for the past year, that as soon as Alijah finishes kindergarten, I was going to get her lessons in French.  I desperately want her to speak another language fluently.  I decided on French for a few reasons, but one of them being that I have quite a few African friends, all of whom speak French.  So I figured when Alijah gets older, she will be able to communicate with many of our brothers and sisters from the motherland. I only wished my mother had insisted or made me learn another language fluently, especially since I travel so much. America's global market is growing rapidly. Communication and access to the rest of the world, is way different from what is was when I was a child.

I recently and proudly became a member of the advisory board for the National PTA (Parent Teacher Association) (Website: http://www.pta.org/). When I was asked to join this advisory board by Byron Garrett, CEO, I jumped at the opportunity, because not only do OUR CHILDREN desperately need our time and attention focused on their education, but now more than ever, we as parents (single and married and same sex) need to see the importance of ACTIVELY taking part in the INVESTMENT of our children. I especially want to focus on the challenge of educating  single parents on the purpose and function of PTA.  I look forward to coming up with fresh ideas as to how to get more parents active and engaged in the PTA.

This picture is from my first event with the National PTA as a guest speaker on January 15, 2010 in Washington, DC. The National PTA and U.S. Department of Education chose award winning artwork from over 40 students nationwide in a special exhibit celebrating National PTA's Reflections Program and its long-standing commitment to providing opportunities for children to receive recognition for their artistic ingenuity. Selected from the 2008-2009 Reflections Program, themed "Wow!", the exhibit opened on January 15th with a ribbon-cutting ceremony at the Department's headquarters (LBJ Education Building in DC). The artwork is AMAZING!

I will be the first to take the blame for allowing the declining economy and a fast paced career; pull me from my huge responsibility of staying on top of Alijah's education. I'm REALLY good at making sure she is grounded and has good social skills, but I still l have to take the time to go through and evaluate the thousand pieces of schoolwork she brings home every week. Pay close attention to what stories she tells me about her day at school. In a nutshell, I've got to make it my business to pay attention to the DETAILS of her EDUCATION and not just her hairstyles and clothing. I damn sure don't want to "raise no dummy".

I truly believe that if not now; in the near future, our children are no longer going to be separated by race, but by EDUCATIONAL status.   The time has come, for us to invest in our children as "educational commodities". 

 
Although times are very hard for a lot of people right now, and it seems like after a hard day of working at a job (we are so very grateful to have), we chose to slight the "little things" in our kids lives. But despite all of the road blocks and disparity,  there is still a "clean slate" of amazing and new opportunities for educational and financial growth and progress for us and our children. And the time to take advantage of that is... NOW! I dare you!

Til next time. I'll keep ya posted!

I found this photo of my mom and Alijah on my cousin Gary's FaceBook page. I thought it was so touching, so I jacked it and posted it to my blog for you to enjoy as well.

 Alijah with her sister Tyree and friends Ori and Cordarial

This is a picture of my Christmas tree.....that I have to take down. Great!

It's been a long day. Other than Alijah giving me a VERY hard time about going to bed tonight, for the most part, it was a good day. I am going to have to put her back on her school schedule (which I knowis going to be a hard task) but I am well rested for the challenge!

I spent the holidays EXACTLY how I wanted to spend it.  I did not travel, I stayed home and caught up on doing things around the house that desperately needed my attention. I put up plenty of decorations and am not looking forward to taking it down, but my decorating skills were on point this year, so it was worth it.  Hopefully I won't get distracted because those decorations will be up until Valentines day. LOL!

 I had a bunch of family, friends, children and dogs visit me throughout the holidays as well.  My home was like Grand Central Station and Animal planet at the same time, but I enjoyed every moment of it. I COOKED MY BUTT OFF!  For some apparent reason, when the colder weather comes, I have the urge to hibernate and cook for everyone.  I just realized that I have a fetish for buying cookbooks. I've got quite a collection now. I like getting inspired by reading different combinations of foods and then putting my own touch to it. I made everything from oxtails to red snapper.  I'm one of those people who enjoys grocery shopping.  I can't just run in the store and get one thing.  I MUST walk down EVERY isle slowly and succinct.  I guess I picked up that little habit from my grandma.

I worked very hard on making the holidays a pleasant experience.
What I realized is, now that Alijah is older and at an age where she will remember things in her life, I was dead set on creating GOOD MEMORIES for her to hold on to.  I have great memories of my childhood around the holidays.  My mom, grandma and aunts didn't have much, but made sure that all of the children in our family had a good a Christmas.  Even though my extended family now all live in different states, I want to continue that way of thinking for Alijah. 

More importantly, Alijah and I did our part by helping others in need during this holiday season. My lesson for Alijah this Christmas was on the "Gift of GIVING".  She had a bit of a hard time giving away some of the toys she has out grown, but after we filled up the 5th hefty bag, she got the hang of it.  Lesson well learned!

I pray that we will always have something to give to others and not just during the holidays either. I'm at a stage of motherhood where I pounce on opportunities where I can instill good morals and values for Alijah to possess. Now I just have to figure out a way to keep her from jumping on my damn furniture.

'Til next time. Muah!

I know, I know! It's been a while since my last blog. I apologize deeply to those of you who look forward to reading my blogs and give a damn. I have been traveling and catching up with my life. It seems that since becoming a mother 5 years ago, my organizational skills are null and void. In addition to a few changes over here at Essence, but all is well and I'm BACK!!!

Okey Dokey Smokey.....I'll blog again very soon.....until then,
God Bless!
Tichina

I think it's not an accident that since being a mom, I have met and encountered so many amazing mothers of all ages and ethnicity's.

I always say that Alijah (my daughter) "saved my life".  But after conversing last night with an amazing single mom who is 63 and absolutely beautiful inside and out; it was absolutely an incredible lesson and I now can put that statement into context.
 

This woman and her daughter were 2 of the most interesting, delightful and warm spirited women I have met in a long time. I am not going to mention them by name, because I did not get their permission to do so. At the moment, I am on a flight back to LA, typing on my laptop with excitement in my heart about seeing my daughter when I land.  

I have been in 4 cities in 8 days and I am tired, but I can't sleep due to the feelings of anticipation:  Alijah running to me screaming "MOMMIEEE!"  at the top of her lungs. These are moments of motherhood that money can't buy they are priceless.

I feel so rejuvenated after speaking with this woman. Hearing her explain her 41 year experience of being a single mom blew me away.
I learned so much from her last night, which I couldn't wait to get to my laptop and type even a fraction of what we spoke of, so I wouldn't forget.

This woman told me how taboo it was for her to make the decision to have and raise a child out of wedlock in the 60's. She spoke of how through her illness, adversities and hard times, all she had was her daughter and how she grew to realize the reasons WHY she had a daughter at 19 and never regretted it a day in her life.

As I watch the dynamic and strong spiritual bond between her and her daughter, it gave me so much hope and excitement about being Alijah's mother.  I have finally put some of my QUIET thoughts, PONDERING questions and HIDDEN fears of raising a child on my own into another perspective.

I am so grateful that no matter what I do or where I go, God always puts people and experiences in my path to comfort me as a single mother trying to do her best.  I couldn't thank that woman enough, for all the knowledge she shared and blessed me with at that moment. There is a part of my life that will never be the same because of it.

I want all of us to SHUT OUT the NEGATIVE THOUGHTS that we are unfortunately fed on a constant basis.... everyday, and not MISS OUT on those amazing life teaching moments that will help us be better women, lovers, mothers and friends.

I really thought I knew how to love myself, but after my conversation last night, I now have the tools and information to learn how to love not only myself, but my number one # 1 job in life.... MOTHERHOOD.

I am so looking forward to embracing and applying my new outlook and perspective of my life as a single mom.

So here's to LIFE!  Bring it on.....I'm REALLY ready now.....

Gotta go. Need to catch a quick wink before I land. I feel my right eye getting heavy. LOL! I gotta get sleep in, when I can FIT it in.

Being recognized and noticed in most public places that I go, can really get tricky sometimes! It's as if someone is always watching.  I make it my business to try not to be out and about in the public; if I am not in a good mood.  My motto is: "It's nice to be important, but it's more important to be nice." I really try to live by that, even when I am in the worst of moods. If I am meeting someone for the first time, I always keep in mind that this person may be the 20th person I met that day, but it's the FIRST time they are meeting ME; but sometimes that principle just does not work.

When I am with Alijah (my daughter), it can be very stressful keeping a watchful eye on her and on others at the same time. I try to break up the monotony of my mommy schedule sometimes and do spontaneous things with my daughter. I like to pick her up from school and ask her what SHE wants to do sometimes and she really likes that. I think it's important as her mom, that I not get stuck so much into the mommy routine, that it limits our fun time with each other. I guess that's one of the reasons why I have not seen a PG-13 or R rated movie in quite some time now. LOL! Thank goodness I love animations and kiddy flicks. I have no other choice.

When I was a little girl, I remember my mom picking  my sister and I up from day care. Some days she would be so tired, she barely had enough strength to cook; must less have some spontaneous fun with us! So  I made a promise to myself, that no matter how busy or upset I get with life challenges, I MUST CREATE those opportunities for Alijah and I to enjoy life on a whim sometimes. It's so easy to get caught up in boring habits. I don't want to be that way with my life nor my daughter. I'm going to make every effort to insure Alijah has stability and structure but that she also feels how enjoyable life can be when things are spontaneous every now and then. And besides, I LOVE seeing that happy look on her face when she gets surprised. It's priceless and so worth it.

To all of my moms out there who are bored.........get the hell out of your routine and SWITCH IT UP! You'll find that the kids like it too.

Til' next time.

Okay. You guys out there, as you may or may not know about me...

I am EXTREMELY aware and in tuned to MOST things...at least I really try to be.

I am very sensitive (on the inside) but very unyielding and hard when pushed. 

I love having fun and my favorite colors are blue and purple (because I can't choose just one).
I LOVE singing and acting! 

I LOVE being a performer. 

I don't consider myself as a 'STAR" because STARS DO FALL! I have known ALL MY LIFE that I was going to perform in front of millions of people and I welcomed it with open arms.
I am a Christian who struggles with following the laws of GOD as everyone does, every single day of their lives; okay maybe not everyone that was a bit broad...sorry!
I am very candid, open and brutally honest (most of the time).
I LOVE to laugh and make people laugh.
I don't like to MAKE enemies, I just like to know WHO THEY ARE.
I love to EAT! 

I absolutely adore fashion! 

I am a shoe and boot WHORE (and I mean that in the most endearing terms).

So...I will try and make this blog as short as possible, but it's going to be hard, because I want all of you out there to know, that my blog here on ESSENCE.com, is not just another "celebrity" blog for accolades and attention. When I am traveling or have rare quiet moments to myself, I take the time to read every last one of your comments.  I WANT and DESIRE to know what is on the minds of all of you amazing people out there in cyberspace.

Let me not forget to thank all of you who have read or responded to my blogs. I APPRECIATE your support and honesty.
With all that being stated, let me begin. My responses to blogs will start from my latest blog to the first. I'm going backwards.
Here it goes....

"Why do kids do these things?" September 15, 2009
For all of those folks who gave me a hard time about "letting Alijah go out with ashy knees", actually I didn't. I have the obsessive habit of rubbing her down or should I say "greasing her up" with Eucerin mixed with her medication. if you are not familiar with my earlier blogs, I stated that Alijah has a severe case eczema. In the picture that looks like alijah has ashy knees, is actually and unfortunately the color of her knee joints. Because of her scratching, her skin has built up a very coarse exterior that I have been treating every day.
Below is a close up shot of her legs to show you the results of eczema. Thanks again to all of the moms who sent me their remedies for treating it. It has been a continuing ordeal to deal with. I just pray that her skin heals properly.
The pictures of her knees are below.

"Hair"

"Hair" September 24, 2009

In regard to wearing weaves and relaxing my hair. Yes, Alijah does watch what I do with my hair, but I am teaching her at an early age, how to appreciate her thick beautiful nappy hair and as long as she is a CHILD. I will not allow her to get a perm at an early age. When she gets old enough to take care of it properly, she can get 10 perms if she wants to. I just want to make sure that she is fully aware and knows what she wants. I do not want to be lazy and throw a perm in her hair to make it easier for myself to comb or try to handle cause believe you me, it is a real task doing her hair :)

"Part Two...This Stuff Is Fo The Birds" September 19, 2009

 A few of you women out there chewed me out for stating "I really don't welcome the challenge of a continuous full time mommy job." For the record...I STILL STAND by that statement. The one thing that I am able to do, is be very honest with myself and others. 

Let me explain....

I see how that statement could be taken out of context, but I mean EXACTLY what it says. If I had the chores and tasks of a "FULL TIME" mother, then that means that I would no longer be able to do the things that make me happy. 

I have had the SAME CAREER since I was EIGHT YEARS OLD. I am now 40. That means for the past THIRTY TWO years, I have been entertaining. That means for the past THIRTY TWO years, I have been doing something that makes me happy and puts me in a great state of mind. 

Being a single mom, I make huge sacrifices everyday. I WILL ALWAYS SACRIFICE MY PERSONAL NEEDS AND MY LIFE FOR MY CHILD, but GOD has blessed me to have wonderful family, friends and support system where I did not have to give up my career to raise my child. After all, the grace of GOD and my career is how Alijah and I survive. 

So, NO, I do not welcome that FULL TIME mommy challenge. I ask for all the help I can get. I'm never too proud. 

But to all of you amazing FULL TIME moms who care for their children every moment of the day, I APPLAUD you! You are a very special individual that performs a very challenging task that some women have a hard time doing. But in the end, all of us as parents have gotta do what we gotta do. Bottom line!.

"No Prince Charming" September 10, 2009

My dear Essence bloggers, you really don't realize how much YOU inspire ME! So many times, when I feel tired or down, or just fed up, I try and remember that there are so many people out there who need encouragement despite how I FEEL at the moment. I wrote this particular blog during a major crossroad of my relationship. Reading your words of inspiration and encouragement made me be at peace with a personal situation. So THANK YOU for being there for ME at a time I really needed it. 

It's good to be reminded sometimes, that despite your situation, you are not alone. 

"What Happened?!" September 1, 2009

I write my blogs as I FEEL them. I used this particular blog to express how OUT of Shape I had become (and still am). But since then,  I have shed a few pounds. It has been very hard  trimming down my mid section, or should I say my love handles and stomach. All we can do is really try to be cognizant of those things we want to change. My health is on the top of that list. So since then, I have been very aware of what I eat and try not to let too much dust settle on my treadmill. I WANT TO LOOK GOOD! So I must invest a some time and attention to my body. Come on ladies! We can DO THIS. Let's not talk about it. Let's BE about it! Be like Nike and JUST DO IT! 

It's hard as hell, but TRYING does count.

I hope that you got a better understanding of me and where my head is sometimes. I am not perfect, but I welcome challenges everyday of my life. Just because I have a blog, I am not pretending to know everything. My blogs are just a matter of MY opinion and MY thoughts. 

Thank you so much for READING my blogs and supporting my career (and reading this long ass blog post) lol!

I will do my best to remain open, honest and true to my thoughts and I know you all out there will do the same. I expect nothing less. 

Keep reading "TALES OF A HOLLYWOOD MOM". You won't be disappointed.

Let's continue to love, laugh, and support one another. 

'Til next time...

Tichina

Hello E-Bloggers:

I truly appreciate all of you for your words of encouragement and your words of chastisement.  In response to my blog entitled, "I want my daddy". Your responses were so poignant, that I decided to do an immediate follow up on it.

I really do take FULL RESPONSIBILITY for having unprotected sex getting pregnant and having a child out of wedlock. Though there are so many of us (single parents) out there, I am clear that EVERYBODY'S situation is different.  I can truly say that I have not regretted anything in my life; bottom line...I made my bed, so now I have to lay in it.  I Got it!

I realize this is not a perfect world either after all, WHAT IS a perfect world?  I think that's what makes  this life so compelling, is that NOTHING is the same. Not snowflakes, not personalities, not situations...nothing. Even identical twins in some differ from each other. I realize as individuals that our lives may be similar but still very different. We all have a different story. Each and everyone of us.

The true and honest facts are: 
Everyone is not going to get married.
Everyone is not going to stay married.
Everyone is not going to have healthy children.
Everyone is not going to be wealthy.
Everyone is not going to live long and healthy lives.
Everyone is not going to stay sober.
Everyone will not have the career they want.
Everyone will not have BOTH of their parents.

This is the reality and not an excuse. So the best thing we all can do, is work with what we have and DEAL with the decisions we've made. Every time I get frustrated or baffled about being a single parent, I think back to the time where the doctor told me that I had endometriosis so bad, that in a few more months, I would not ever be able to have children. I was so caught up in myself and my career, that I ACCEPTED that test result. So when I found out I was pregnant, I said to myself "Wow. I guess this child had to get here somehow."

Yes, I made the decision to keep my child. I'm glad I did. Now I live with that decision everyday. I just thank GOD that when I made this decision, I was an adult and wise enough to HANDLE it.
What can we do as single parents to CHALLENGE not just ourselves, but OTHER parents who don't live up to their responsibilities. It is what it is...We have no other choice but to take the bull by the horns, do our very best and DEAL with it.

I know that I am going to have MANY more restless nights from the result of being a single parent. I don't welcome them, but I know I have no other choice than to DEAL with them. I just want to be FULLY EQUIPPED mentally and physically for those nights (and days for that matter) when they do come. I just thank GOD that there are so many people like YOU that challenge and remind me that I am not alone and neither are you.

Send me some topics we need to discuss, debate and get out of our systems. I'm all ears or should I say in this case, EYES.

Love u guys!
God Bless!

Tonight, for 20 minutes, I had to listen to Alijah cry herself to sleep to the chant of "I want my daddy!" These are the nights that I wish never existed, but unfortunately do! It's the challenging and heartbreaking side of single mommyhood. 

I'm getting sick of hearing MYSELF give her the same reply, "Ok baby, but daddy is not here, we will call him tomorrow. Now go to sleep".  I can see her little wheels in her head just turning as if she's about to say: "You say that all the time; she has not said it yet but she is starting to figure out that (for now) daddy is NEVER going to be there when she wants or cries for him. 

It's just another single mommy issue that I have to deal with "head on" when the time comes...and it's coming faster than I expected. 

I always knew Alijah was a bright child, but Lord, I did not expect to have to brace myself to address this subject matter so soon.

So needless to say, I gotta face the music. 

Without getting into my personal business, whether or not her dad and I see eye to eye or not, I ALWAYS make sure that at least 2x a week, I ask her if she wants to call her dad. It's the best I can do.

I've already explained to her (in a way that a child could understand) that her dad and I are not together anymore, but we still love HER more than anything in this world.... But honestly, sometimes I feel like those answers are just not enough to take away that empty space she has of having her father around and in her life.

I'm realizing that unfortunately in due time...SHE'S going to have to face the reality that her dad is just not as available as she might like for him to be.

One of my first embarrassing wake up calls to being a single mom, was when I picked Alijah up from Pre-School one day, and the teacher said that Alijah held on to the leg of ANOTHER students dad and said "I want you to be my daddy!". 

Don't worry, I am fully aware that children do these kinds of things, but given the fact that you are raising a child on your own, you can't help but ponder whats REALLY going on in your kids mental state and emotions.  

So to all of you women out there who want to do as much as they can to fill that "Daddy Void" in their childs life, just know that you are not alone. You can only do but so much. 

Except the challenge and keep moving forward.

God KNOWS, that single parenthood is NOT made for the weak.

Stay strong and continue to stay positive.....no matter what.

God Bless You!

'Til Next time...

 The photo below is of me, my sister and my dad. 

This photo was taken last summer at the Grove. Alijah insisted on petting this lady's dog.

I am BEAT! After being in the recording studio for over 12 hours and not sleeping for 24 hours, I found myself back at home on the mommy grind again. I had to laugh at myself while I simultaneously prepared dinner, did homework with Alijah, and played with my 2 year old bull dog (and yes, I did wash my hands in between before touching the food).
I realize, that it's not only our children that require our attention, but it is the "everything else" that does too!

I am really brushing up on my skills of multitasking. Everyday I get home, the real race begins, and that is making sure that Alijah stays on her schedule and is in bed by 9 o'clock on the dot because it really helps when she has the structure.

My aunt (Gaynelle) makes sure she keeps up with it when Alijah is in her care and now that she is out of town, I have to do the same thing. My aunt laughs at me every time I have to put Alijah to sleep, because I ALWAYS fall asleep with her and end up waking up the next morning with the same response...DAMMIT!

This rainy Southern California weather does not help it either. Whenever it rains, I just want to stay in the house, which I did yesterday. With Alijah. All day because she was coughing and a bit congested and I have to keep my eye on that because of her ASTHMA.....now I'm REALLY tired. She wore my butt out. 

The asthma was acting up because of the change in weather, so I decided to keep her home from school.

O.M.G! Teachers DO NOT get paid enough. I've always and will always be a child advocate, but I am going to start rallying for teachers, because just keeping ONE child entertained and motivated for a day was hard as hell. So I could only imagine doing it with 12-30 kids everyday! 

Well I've gotta go. Alijah is home from school again today and we have to finish making her diorama for school. She wanted to do it about snakes, but I somehow talked her out of it, so we are going to do it about Artic Wolves and she is totally hyped about it.   Wish us luck for (us...okay her) to get an A+ grade on it. It's her first diorama project (and mine since becoming a mom), so WE wanna make it a good one!

Have a great day people.