Dating a Woman My Mom Doesn't Like

This is an interesting topic. I've dated many different races of women and my mother has only ever approved of ONE black woman I've dated. On the flip side she has only had a problem with ONE of the other races of women I've dated (an Asian woman).

When asked about her attitude toward the women my mother told me the reason she had such a problem with the black women and the Asian woman was because they didn't know how to play the position of women (cook, cater to the man, and I suppose just being a good mate).

I don't think I will ever forget the look on my mother's face when she had to instruct one of my ex-girlfriends how to cook baked fish. I asked my mother whether she cared if I married within my race or not. I was told she did care. She would like me to marry a black woman, but at the same time she seems to accept that many black women in my generation are lost.

Does my mother's opinion matter? Yes, it does. If a woman doesn't have my mother's approval then she might as well move on the next man. I think mothers are better able to judge women. They will see things that we as men can't see.

What did she mean by most black women are lost?

I am not JSN, but I am going to take a guess and say (and I am guessing based on JSN's comment as well as previous comments that he had left on different blogs)that his mother was probably referring to the fact that the women that are in her son's age bracket do not have their 'priorities' straighten out. Maybe I am wrong or maybe I am right, but that is my guess.
Now, in regards to this week's blog, it's my opinion that a man will always hope for his mother's approval, when it comes to his potential girlfriends (if he has a great relationship with his mother). But sometimes, a mother just doesn't know best and I know from experience.

"baller block" ? Okay. It's funny that I come here and I haven't been back in a while and JSN dumb butt is the first person to respond, sigh. It's either him or that other chick who think people care about them and their sad lives.

Interesting topic! I once dated a man, who's mother threw me shade not because I wasn't mate material, but because she felt I was taking her baby away from her. Mama would invite herself on dates with us, stay at my then boyfriend's house with us extra late in an attempt to "block," and would make up reasons for him to attend to her if she found out we were together. Mind you, I am a Christian, college-educated, gainfully employed, a good cook, and always treated her with respect and kindness. However, she treated me like I was some hoochie, who was destined to ruin her son's life. Sometimes mamas can spot a hot mess a mile away, and aren't feeling the girlfriend for that reason. BUT, there are also times when mama doesn't feel anyone is good enough for her son because she's afraid of letting him go!

I can always tell when my mother isn't keen on a young lady that my brothers bring home. Sometimes, it's just that mother's intuition kicking in that there's something off about the girl, and other times, I think she does feel threatened. I think that it's okay for guys to take their mother's feelings into consideration (I know I do when I bring a guy home), but he should also take time out to understand why she feels the way she does, especially if she really hasn't gotten to know the woman.

Why do men keep talking bout black women they don't want?
If I dont want black men I wouldnt keep talking bout them.
If a momma can tell her grown son who to date and marry, I would tell women to walk in another direction. A mothers opinion is important but only goes so far. He sleeps with you, so he should have some backbone. If he has No backbone, then momma will be runnin your whole life.

'Michelle' you are correct.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ Gosh, doesn't have much of a LIFE sooo has to post "You are Correct" Needs and lives for affirmation even if it's bad.

Sometimes parents can be wrong about a person. They can influence you to end a relationship...with a great person. I still have regrets about letting him go because of what my mother thought.... I missed out on a great life with a wonderful man.

u need prayer and prozac

You need to bite me.

Why do you insist on bringing race into this? You manage to turn every single article into a condemnation of the Black woman...it's utterly ridiculous! We get it, you have dated a bunch of crappy Black women and you've had better luck with women of other races...congratulations!!!!!!!!! Why do you feel compelled to share the same story over and over and over and over again?

Anywaaaaay...I'm glad to see the blog back and this is a very interesting topic. I think someone's mom not liking you is a huge deal, because it could potentially lead to a huge power struggle that is way more drama than what it is worth. I couldn't see myself being with someone if his mom didn't like me. Moms definitely have the power to make your life miserable and interfere with a relationship if they choose to, so going into a situation where the mom is against you is a huge handicap. Since I've never been put in a situation where the mom was against me, I can't see myself ever wanting to subject myself to it. Relationships are hard enough as it is, and having someone against you from the jump can only make it harder.

However, I think the author gave some very helpful tips for people who choose to stick it out. I think one of the best ways to get on a mother's good side is to just show that you can be comfortable around her. Engage in conversation (do more listening than talking), don't follow your man around like a puppy like you don't want to be left alone with his family, and just hold your own. Once she sees that you will make a good fit with the family then it will be hard for her to not like you.

I've definitely been a "his momma don't like me" situation. & lady j i'm with you. I can cook very well, keep house, 2 jobs and independent w/ some old school values all @ the age of 28. But for some reason his mother wasn't feeling me. Sometimes the mothers have to back off and put herself in the "girlfriends" shoes, the mother didn't make her son alone, she was in the same position @ one point in time "searching for mommas approval". Trust me if she's not good for your son the truth will come out w/o you sabotaging the relationship.

Why are some of you so bitter about his opinion? JSNs comment explains some of his older comments. Stop getting so defensive. His comment had nothing to do with you.

As someone who grew up with a brother I saw first hand how judgmental my mother could be. My father was the same way with the men I dated. I think it's the way parents work. No one is ever good enough for their child.

Keke...to classify my comments as bitter is extreme. For some reason he posts countless numbers of comments making negative generalizations about Black women or providing little stories to reinforce these negative notions he holds, yet you feel compelled to respond to me? Whatever!

I stand by what I said before, to take a post like this that has nothing to do with race and turn it into a "all the Black women vs. non-Black women I've dated" thing (like he does with everything else) is completely unnecessary. It's insane that we can never have a discussion on this site that doesn't turn into "Black women this" or "Black men that" regardless of how race-neutral to topic is and JustSayNo is one of the biggest reasons why.

Ok if you have a problem with his comments or those of others just ignore them. He has a right to his opinion. You have a right to your opinion. It's childish to sit here and bash someone for commenting. His comment was about his mother's judgment. That is what this topic is about. So what if he shares his story? Stop reading them! I've seen generalizations from black women about black men on this site too but those are the opinions of those people. I find the opinions or stories of others interesting and I don't bash anyone for sharing. Jeez talk about ridiculous.

KeKe how old are you because you sound like a child without a clue. It is more than an opinion when a black man puts down black women its called he has a serious problem he is a black racist who justify dating outside of his race by putting down black women. You really need to encourage that poor soul into conciling and leave Reecie alone for defending herself. Jeez how ridiculous you are.

Follow your own advice and ignore comments that you don't like. I never "bashed" him, I asked why does he CONSTANTLY make everything about race. If the topic was "The Easiest Way to Wash a Car" he would probably tell a story about how all the Black women he dated had dirty cars lol. It would be nice if for once we could have an adult discussion without turning it into Black women vs. non-Black women, Black men vs. non-Black men, or Black women vs. Black men. This is supposed to be a website geared towards Black women, not a place where people come to vent all their frustrations and animosity towards Black women.

I am soooooooooo sick ugly women defending this nutball. Maybe he should shut his ugly fat mouth up and not type at all then maybe I wouldn't have to talk trash. Women are fighting over a man that they don't even know. He probley has rolls on the back of his neck and is really fat and ugly. Fat ugly slob. If he doesn't like black women why does he come here? Boniqua must have dumped his ugly a ss for someone better. If I don't agree with the self-hating black guy who comes on ESSENCE.COM to talk about his sorry Life I need help???? No, the ugly hard -up women that defend this LOSERRRRRRRRRRRR ARE the ones in need of help. Sick of black women using the word bitter on here too it's played out. Get a new word, LOSERSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JUSTSAYNO IS FUGLY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! FUGLY REALLY UGLY!!!!! JUSTSAYNO SHOULD GO TO COSMO AND TALK TO WHITE WOMEN ALL DAY SEE IF THEY DON'T LOOK AT YOUR COMMENTS LIKE YOUR CRAZY. JUSTSAYNO HAS A POT BELLY!!!!!!!!JUSTSAYNO IS A LOSER!!!!!!!!!!! BONIQUA APPLEBOOM DOESN'T WANT HIM AND NEITHER DOES PAMALA BLACK!!!!!!!!!!! I'm NOT HARD-UP LIKE SOME OF YOU NASTY WOMEN ON HERE.!!!!!JUSTSAYNO IS A SLOB!!!!!!!!!!!!!...Tick Tock waiting for the dumb women to come defend him and then get chewed out by me for fun. Come on stupid uglly women stick up for your P I M P JUSTSAYNOTODRUGS.

Keke, your name sounds like a dogs name. You must look like a nasty MOP. I am bashing JUSTSAYNO tell your P I M P to STFU and maybe I'll play nice. KeKe...Justsayno looks like he was hit with the ugly tree 500 times and counting..........WHAPPPPPPPPPPP!!!!!"He has a right to his opinion. You have a right to your opinion. It's childish to sit here and bash someone for commenting. His comment was about his mother's judgment" Well I am judgeing his ugly fat pot belly as s. What are you going to do about it? Get back in the line!

I have been in a relationship where my boyfriend's mother did not like me. I took it so hard and did everything that I could to show her (and him) that I was a good person and wanted the best for her son. In the end, it was a waste of time. No one is good enough for her son. And guess what...he's still single....she sabotages every relationship he's in. This is such a touchy subject for me....but I guess to all the people that are in similar situations, don't bother trying to please or prove yourselves to a mother....try to be the best person you can be to your boyfriend/girlfriend....he/she will either vouch for you or they won't...nothing you do or don't do will change that.

Good article! I've been fortunate to have never encountered this "power struggle" with a potential mates-mother. However, I do understand how very important it is for the main women in a mans life to be respectful and get along together.
I would expect the same -my mother needs to like my prospective and vice versa.
Relationships already take plenty of work even when all parties love/like each other.
I wouldn't try to win someone's mother over.
She will either like you or not because at the end of the day blood is always thicker than water.
Who wants a relationship that will constantly present a power struggle.
Believe me everyone starts trying to pull rank when it comes to their "baby". Happy Holidays:)

Fortunately, I have never found myself in a situation where a potential boyfriend's mother didn't like me, but if that problem does make an appearance in my life, I don't think I would want to pursue that relationship. I believe whenever a problem arises between the mother and the girlfriend, I think the girlfriend will always be on the losing end, even if the mother was the person who was wrong.

Who cares,if a decent loving Black woman can support my buisness network and be with me,cool.I've seen plenty of nice looking Black women at Essence Festival so what's the problem?

Wow! As an independent 31 yr old, newly divorced mother of 3, I have been down this road when I first met my husband. His mom valued me as a strong woman, who ran my own business, worked FT (day job), saved, cooked 3 days a week, ironed and folded clothes each weekend, kept the house and her son, looking better than she ever seen him, but she began feeling like I was taking her son from her.

After dating and becoming in engaged and then marrying, I would say to you women, if things are not great between you and mom, GIVE IT TIME! I dont know what your time limit is but, thru much prayer, she can change or you can change and change aint always bad....we all know all that glitters aint gold so in other words....work at it adn it aint meant to be, dont force it. Men knows, mama gone always be there.....

Young man you're very simple and confused. I will pray for your troubled soul. Whatever, happend to you and the women who left you is now Water under the bridge. Let it go and move on with your life, or else, you will be lonely, bitter, or worse a drug user.

This made me laugh.

If black women have to tell themselves that I'm lonely and bitter to sleep good at night then more power to you. I'm going to continue to speak my mind here and everywhere else I comment regardless of what you think of me. But make note--You don't hear brothers complaining about being single and no one left me...LOL. Getting a woman (especially a black woman) takes little to no work. So many of you are so desperate for a man that you often put us OVER your own children.

The truth hurts and some of you hate it. The bitterness in the black community is typically one sided and it's not coming for brothers. Just look at my stalker on this blog. I bet she was raised by a single mother and she's probably one herself.

Young man It's not about getting a women more so than it is about keeping one. You seem to be very wounded and bitter soul. You're too simple minded to see that you could be with someone and be lonely and unhappy. Your way of thinking is warped and outated and I pity you. A male chauvinist and very bitter.

Ask God to heal your embittered heart. Let go of whoever hurt you and let GOD before you end up somewhere like jail.

LMAOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!This pervert just can't shut his effin mouth up. You are soooooooooooo stupid. What a pathetic little pervert. JSN, keep your nose out of panties and stay out of the girls bath room, creep! We get it you've had plenty of atantic city prosititutes and alot of black women like your nasty infested d _ _ _ in their mouth. Okay! Creeper!

Btw, how many ummm jelly rolls do you have? Lamooooooooooooo. FATTY! better get a treadmill potbelly piggy.

If you say so lady. SMH

I have notice around the holidays JustSayNo vent's his frustrations and conflicts with black women on the blogs... Hmmmmmmmmm..It must be a very empty lonely time for you. That's why you come here to reflect about your life daily? You seem to have low- self esteem. It's like you have to reassure everyone that you aren't bitter or lonley, seems to me you are. JustSayNo, it's not becoming of you. This angry black man who hates women it's just not a very good look. I noted that Serial killers have the same common traits that you show. Hatred for women. In your case black women.

Interesting observation, Dr. Dimes. It's seems me JustSa, has serious problem quite the unhappy soul if you ask me. I guess he doesn't get much attention at home because he's the only one posting non stop on this blog. I feel bad for him. I just hope he doesn't take out his frustrations on some female. He's very scary. Seek help justsayno.

"I guess he doesn't get much attention at home because he's the only one posting non stop on this blog" That's the thing, Mrs. Nisbitt nobodys home. Just a chair. Poor ugly thing.

You need help. Everyone reading knows this is one angry person posting under different names-which are a giveaway. Sad. Please seek help.

Lmaooo.. Keke, I use to have a dog named Keke and guess what it could do tricks. My question is how many tricks can you do? I am sure JustSayNo can answer since you always have his D_ _ _k in your mouth. Get back in line. Kick rocks.

I think JustSayNo make some valid points. I do not believe be degrades black women. He doesn't sugar coat his opinion to make people feel good. Making comments about his personal relationships and his way of thinking are way off base.....because you don't know him. You have a right to disagree....but you don't have to insult him or anyone elso to do so. I know for a fact...when black women can not make a good point....they tend to start cursing, insulting, and acting all sista gurl. He echoes the feelings of many of my male friends. When we get together and talk...they say the exact same things that he does.

I just wish that when people make generalizations about people from another race, gender, economic status, etc., they should try not to "paint with a broad brush".

Mrs. Potts, Dr. Dimes, Mrs. Nisbitt & JustSayNoToDrugs are all the same person. She's not very bright. I agree with you. Why must some of you insult justsayno? It's fine to disagree with him, but what's with the personal insults? I have noticed that he only attacks when he is attacked, which is often here. Otherwise he submits his opinion and moves on. I too believe many of his points are valid. My brother often makes some of the same comments.

The more you stick up for him or defend him doesn't help. Keke, I see you countine to run your mouth. First I wasn't talking to you. You sound like a ugly whinny dumb blonde and you're really annoying. I already told you to kick rocks, again, who's not very bright? Do you know what kick rocks means? Kick em!PBN, JustSayNo hasn't made any points matter of fact, in body with a IQ over 50 could see he hasn't done anything but use insluts. "He doesn't sugar coat his opinion to make people feel good. Making comments about his personal relationships and his way of thinking are way off base" No, it isn't way of base. It's really warrant. His opinions are really stupid and redundant and aren't VALID. Everything that comes out of his sorry mouth or from his nasty fingers doesn't make much sense, it's utter trash. If he doesn't want to be subject to comments about his SO-CALLED personal life than maybe he should post about his SO-CALLED use to be personal Life on here. Listen I don't suger coat anything either so this is what I think about JustSayNo I think he's a used up, druggie, low self-esteem, creep/prevert and that's my "OPINION". If you reply again to me again with stupid nonsense on why you think he's sooooooo great I'll just insult you. Real enough for you? Get a clue.

What's that Keke? Your mouths full? Speak up?.........

Typical ghetto black woman. You can't use any type of logic so you just resort to insults and name calling. JustSayNo, must have hurt your feelings. I feel sorry for you.

Keke, I think you have a serious problem. You have issues. Why do you keep talking to me? Do you even have a life? I asked you for a answer and you couldn't give me it..I am guessing because your mouth is always full with JustSayNos nasty glow stick. Like I said maybe he could answer me but then again unliKE YOU I don't associated my self with PIMPS DRUGGIES AND LOSERS of any kind, so I don't want anything from him. You need to get a freaking life because arguing me with me on a blog isn't going to benefit your dumb butt or be fruitful, stupid!

eventually a smart person with common sense and half a brain could see that. then again you aren't smart at all! Just stupid, annoying, ugly I assuming, hard-up, lame and REALLY "SLOW" beacause you can't take a hint! Kick those rocks! Do you have a life? You even posted on christmas day. Don't you have anything better to do? Keep your day and night job because typing isn't for you. Go back street job now!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Btw, you aren't helping him you at all! You are just hurting him. KeKe, for the record this is what I think of JustSayNo, because you seem to think typing back and forth with me is going to change my mind or me. So this is what I think and I hope he sees it, I think he's ugly, fat, stupid, loser, creep, likes men too, nothing wrong with that, hates women, black women, lame ,corny etc....sighssssssssssssss..the list could go on but I don't have time to name them all...yikes and I think he has common traits of a S. k. I'll wait for your smart reply I know you have limited time to type before you head off to the streets. Have a good one, Miss little keke. Btw, My do that I use to own was a "boxer" I wonder if you two have resemblance...? Nah, my dog was effin cute. I know your ugly and brokedown...lmao.

I just shake my head and laugh. She reminds me of this woman...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-NZtGz_7WI0

LMAO

It's better to ignore her than feed her, but I appreciate the support sweetheart. :-)