Is chivalry dead? Who killed it? Black men? Black women? The youth? The answe
r is: all the above. We've failed to instill it in our children. The generations before us fully appreciated and would reciprocate the most basic of courtesies because, back then, we were all we had. Today, we've become divided on so many fronts that opening up any dialogue can be risky, unwanted, or downright dangerous
That said, chivalry, is not dead, just under appreciated with this generation of hit-and-run daters. There is less and less need for it with the pace of which couples meet, hook up, then break up. In better days, chivalry was much needed. Women held themselves in higher regard, and male suitors to a higher standard. Sadly, these days, the morals of each gender have been pushed aside for instant acceptance, or should I say "swagger". It's less about who you, and more about what your present as who you are. The nice guy persona has taken a backseat to false bravo, or the phony confidence often found behind what, sadly, we call "Swagger".
Sadly, this generation appears to be in a rush to hook up. No time to wait, or do the work necessary to find out who you are dealing with. Guys have learned to adapt to this by working more on image than substance. Sadly, for women, this works. So, there is less and less need for chivalry with the pace of dating. That gets you nowhere with many women today? Open doors for many of them, and fewer and fewer even recognize this for what it is. Often, more is read into it than one that could simply appreciate a gesture. No, I am no blaming all women or women only, but you cannot complain of what's missing, when you don't even appreciate or know when it's being offered to you.
Black men, be the example. Speak, open doors, smile, even if it goes without reward or unrecognized. Sure, ladies, some men use courtesy to break the ice and make moves on you. But, why penalize the men who were raised to appreciate a woman for what another does? Why hold all men accountable for why you are unwilling to accept a simple courtesy, or were never taught how to appreciate it when extended to you? He's not cute, not your type, or caught you at bad time, but those are not good excuses. Those are more like defining characteristics real men are taught to avoid.
Yes, (relax) men drop the ball as well. This is a two-way street. Boys can rarely be raised to become men with no male figure around to do so. Many men mistreat women because they've never witness a man treat their mothers well. Mothers, have better examples of men around your children and/or in your life. Etiquette is better witnessed than taught, and, so is chivalry. The lack thereof of both speaks to the moral decline of this overly fast-paced culture of a "want it now" generation.
As a black man, this current generation has become the least approachable of any before it. (Yeah, I said it!) I've never seen so many females refuse to speak when spoken to, or to simply acknowledge your existence for the most simple greetings. Yes, black women, I understand that you just want to go about your day, or you've have a bad day and simply want to traverse unhindered. But, courtesy takes but a second. To ignore one's greeting, be it of ill intent or not only fuels the fire. Black men, how hard must you be? We can't all be thugs, somebody has to work! Half of you are actors, to begin with, so, move to Hollywood because that neighborhood gangsta mentality is weak.
In the end, chivalry, courtesy or etiquette are not a thing of the past, just something taught less and less in the home, and less necessary, it seems. It's on all of us to change this "too-good-to -speak" mentality. Say please and thank you. Smile, wave. Respect the female who doesn't have time for your advances. We cannot grow as a race if we are divided by something as basic as a fear of greeting one another. Black men, pull your pants up, wipe that smirk off your face. And, black women, fix your faces, look alive, crack a smile and say hello. Even if the he's not all that cute! LOL! I'm not him. I didn't hurt you. To point the finger means you accept no personal culpability. I see fault in men and women. Chivalry is NOT dead, just unappreciated.
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The Black Women's Guide to What's Hot Now!
IS CHIVARLY DEAD?
I agree with the writer: Chilvalry is underappreciated - but perhaps that's so because we see so little of it. When you HAVE to run things. When you HAVE to take care of things. When EVERYTHING falls on you because there is no one else around, you forget to be soft. In fact, you forget HOW to be soft and gentle and cared for.
A male friend reminded me of this a few years ago. We went to lunch and the hostess asked our preferences. I stepped forward and quickly said, a booth for two by the window.
My friend didn't flinch. He simply said, "You don't have to do that when you're with me." Then HE stepped forward - and repeated everything I'd just said. LOL.
That didn't make me less of a woman, nor did it take anything from me - except the burden of caring for myself for that hour. He did that - because that's what real men do. They know their place and they embrace it.
A real man is a priest, provider and protector.
So, men, if you really think we're worth it, remind us. Teach us - that when we're with you, we can rest.
And, ladies, be teachable.
That's the only way we're going to get back to the essence of real romance, trust and family.
STAY OUt MY PC! Only I can play my games!!!!!
Do u want a fling?! I'm ready to rock and roll. *wink*
I am a 44 year old black female in the South (North Florida). I can honestly say that Chivalry is not dead! I am treated in a Chivalrous manner on a daily basis. This treatment does not only come from men in my age group. There are men as young as 25 and as old as 80. Even my 15 year old daughters' friends treat me in a Chivalrous and respectful manner.I am constantly invited out, receive countless offers for lawnmowing, car repairs etc.I have learned to listen to what another person is saying and not be so quick to interject my opinion or comments.Believe it or not listening is a big part of communication ladies!! I truly beleive that all men are Chivalrous but we as women have to know how to bring it out of them. I also do not believe that this is just in the Black community either. There's absolutely nothing wrong with being a strong, independent woman. I totally embrace my strength and independence. However I also embrace and revel in my feminity and I have found that real men find these traits admirable. I think in some cases we have forgotten how to let a "Man" be a "Man".
Wow there are so many generalizations in this article my head is spinning. But before I get to all that I will start with Special K's comment...I totally agree.I am a 27 year old Black woman who lives in Los Angeles and there isn't a day that goes by that someone doesn't open up my door when I'm walking up to a building, or offer to help me with something if I look like I need it. Pretty much everywhere I've been I'm always greeted with chivalry so I don't think for one second that men aren't out there opening up doors and things like that. With that said...I think a large part of it has to do with how I carry myself. It's in my nature to make eye contact with people who pass me by and smile whether they are Black, white, blue, yellow, man, woman, or child. I think my pleasant demeanor makes people act more friendly to me. So the first thing I would say to a woman who says chivalry is dead is think about your demeanor and what kind of energy you are putting out there.
Now to what the author is saying...I do agree with a lot of points that he made, but I think he is trying to conflate a variety of complex issues with the lack of chivalry. The author seems to have a gripe with the kinds of men he believes women prefer. Well for one, I don't agree that most women want a wanna be thug or the things he described...but really who cares? Most men focus on a very narrow range of qualities and put that above and beyond anything else, so if women do it too for a different set of qualities then oh well get over it.
Also...the author puts almost all of the blame on women for the decline in chivalry. He admonishes women for accepting less chivalry, makes excuses for men by saying they can't be raised to be men with no male figure around, and even tells mothers to "have better examples of men" in their life but NOT ONCE does he tell men to not leave their children without a father figure. It's a terrible reflection of the mindset in our community that in this whole discussion the notion absentee fathers can choose do the right thing and raise their kids doesn't even enter the realm of possibility. Instead of focusing on adnomishing mothers trying their hardest to raise these young men why don't people start coming on down hard on these men leaving their children fatherless and telling them to step up to the plate!
.... I am back again..People..I know I pretty much live on these blogs nowadays. Anyways, everyone knows my age right? well, let me tell you again I am 27 years old number one. I live in Los Angeles I posted that in my last comment. It's the land of gold the brave and the free. I am pretty much everywhere on ESSENCE trying to make name for little ole self gotta do me you know. Everyone go to my blog please I don't get any views but men I need to know if you think I look good or somthing I posted my pick. My ex boyfreind and other people say I look real oily and greasy. Do I look sick in that pic...? please, tell me if I do. I need a self-esstem boost real bad nowadays. No one wanted to stroke my ego last night so am felling kinda down.Btw, my reall name is Reecie and I don't have any kids. I don't own a home yet. I don't have a boyfriend anymore. I don't have a car. I run a entertainment blog. I am not rich. I brought new jeans today. I went to the mall thrusday.You get the point, okay.
I've learned that you get what you look for. If you expect something great, you'll get something great, but if you don't expect anything at all, you won't get anything at all. As a strong, independent BLACK lady, I've found that chivalry is NOT dead. No, not every man opens the door for me or feel compelled to speak when I walk by, but every man respects me for who I am (because I expect that). When I can, I smile first and they smile back. When I can, I speak first and they speak back. And I'm not sure a day ever goes by when a black man refuses to hold a door for me. These are all things that I'm not necessarily expecting, but I gladly accept them.
And to respond to the article directly: I totally agree with the author. I want a gentleman; not a thug. And while there are those women out there who do not show appreciation to the men who exercise respect, there are some women (like myself) who will say “thank you” and appreciate the act of kindness.
Keep chivalry alive! :-)
I don't think Chivalry is dead but like Special K says we must let a man be a man!! Sometimes we have to remind men that yes we may be Independent, but we want a man to let us be Pretty and Pink!!
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In my opinion chivarly is DEAD for modern black women. Other races of women get chivarly. Black women get none of it! No man in his right man will open a door for a group of women who proclaim "I'm a strong independent woman" over and over again. If you're so strong and independent be strong and independent ALL THE TIME. Open your own door, pay for your own meals, and take yourselves out. Don't expect chivarly from black men.